Monday, 03 October 2011 17:00

Why Bad Boys and Pick Up Artists Win Out and What Good Guys Can Learn From Them.

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Once upon a time we lived in caves. Once upon a time we were hunters and gatherers. Once upon a time we travelled in packs of 500 and roamed the land in search of food and shelter. A man could spend all day, sometime several days, hunting for game to feed his family. Hunting gratified and validated his life: he could provide for his wife and children. It was simple and straightforward. Life demanded strength, focus, and commitment.

cavemanAfter hunting, his next duty was to protect. His better half would prepare the food, raise the children, and he would guard the cave or hunt to make sure intruders did not invade and harm his family.

These skills of providing and protecting allowed him to attract and to win his woman from the pack. A man could win the most fertile woman by demonstrating his ALPHA skills in providing and protecting. The woman retained the attraction of the man by demonstrating signs of fertility and child rearing.

cavemanI am not an anthropologist and I take full responsibility for any related inaccuracies in this blog, but, you can see where I am headed with all of this: No matter how much society has evolved: this is where we came from, what motivated us, and what has driven us to survive. This model is still relevant to us as men and women, but with all the changes in the workplace and our traditional roles, there is confusion and frustration in the mating/dating world. It has created a domino effect that has pushed the bad boy/good guy debate all over again.

Quick run-down: we now have women running Fortune 500 companies, leading men and making decisions all day. Then, they leave the office and encounter men in the dating world who have spent at least as much as they have on hair product, and are unable or unwilling to initiate a conversation, let alone ask for a date. Women begin to take the lead in mating and men respond by becoming lackadaisical and allowing them to assume this precious rite of courting. They allow the lady to pick up the tab, plan the evening, even initiate sex. Women get bored with this laissez-faire sexual dynamic, and wanting something more, break up or cheat and often turn to some cocky bad boy for stimulation, adventure, and attraction . The bad boys at least show some glimmer of boldness, alpha, adventure, and edginess. This loosely aligns with the lady’s hunter gatherer yearnings.

The “good guy” takes a huge hit, since he demonstrates too many values of the recessive male: too available, too responsive to her needs, and just too nice. With all that positive attention, is he really in demand in the pack? The cocky guy from accounting is a bit of an asshole, but he just seems so manly and unavailable; his value and worth must be high. The good guys will then find search for tools to win, which more times than not leads to Pick Up Artistry, which it teaches them, in that back alley way, how to be an ALPHA male. They learn about peacocking (sticking out from the pack), demonstrating value (strength and ability to provide/protect), showing bravado and swagger (and creating a sense that others are vying for his pack protection) These principles work. They tap into the feminine hunter gatherer needs and trigger arousal for both sexes.

So where am I going with all of this?

david Do men really need to act like douche-bags and pick up artists in order to pull a lady? Absolutely not. Remember, bad boys are called “boys” for a reason. But there is something to learn from them and the PUA’s: That STEPPING UP AND DEMONSTRATING QUALITIES OF BEING A MAN IS THE SEXIEST THING TO A WOMAN. The good guy can win out, since his manliness is pure and genuine, not a selection of riffs to alter a woman’s intrinsic search for value in herself and her mate.

Good Guy Men need to be bold, direct, and confident in all they can offer a woman. They need to take the lead. They need to hunt, they need to seek, they need to show that they can provide and protect. They need to stop pining, whining, deliberating, pandering, and thinking too much, and instead, TAKE ACTION. They need to locate their unique sense of worth that differentiates them from every other guy out there, find incredible value in all their gifts that can provide and protect in the 21st Century, paste a confident smile on their face, and walk right up to the first gal that catches their fancy.

If she turns them down, so what? They are learning to hunt, and, at first, the arrow will break, get stuck in the bow, or completely miss. But you keep doing it. Why? Because you have the world to offer. You are a man: confident, strong, and charming. Your self confidence and ability to make her smile is sexier to her than the best looking guy who lacks self esteem, doesn’t know how to lead, and can’t hold a stimulating conversation to save his life.

cavemanShe will respect you and is waiting for a guy just like you to walk in with confidence and ask her out. Man up. Be her caveman. You got this.


Christian Anderson is a dating consultant in Los Angeles. He helps men step into their own to get the woman of their dreams and works with women to get out of their away to attract a healthy man into their lives. He runs his own coaching program, Let’s Talk Dating, and works in various capacities, including one-on-coaching, workshops, seminars, web-shows, and TV. Visit him at

Read 3112 times Last modified on Wednesday, 07 December 2011 03:44
Christian Anderson

Christian Anderson is the creator of Let's Talk Dating, a coaching program that helps men and women navigate through the 21st Century dating world. His Four Pillar system of Self Care, Attracting, Dating, and Committing helps identify the roadblocks we put up in our dating life and how to make shifts in perception, behavior, and action to foster a healthy relationship. He regularly speaks at seminars and retreats, hosts various workshops, and coaches one-on-one. He has made numerous appearances on various radio, web and TV shows and currently resides in Los Angeles. Contact Christian at, visit his site at, and follow him on twitter at!/letstalkdating.

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