1. “Less is more.. as in less make-up, drinking, talking and jumping into bed too soon”
reveals Joseph (42, chiropractor). Ladies, remember even though you’re both having a great time reveling in the moment, having your 3rd margarita and feeling frisky, a man will sometimes judge you for it. I didn’t say it was fair. It just is.
2. Games are for kids: From Aaron (35, software engineer): “The cat-and-mouse game gets old. If you set the tone by being honest and forthcoming, men will most likely follow your lead – plus you’ll find out sooner if he’s a keeper”. And….“Why can’t women just say what they mean and mean what they say? Don’t disappear on us after seeing us a few times. If you don’t feel it for a guy, just tell him. We can take it”. Authenticity goes a long way. Who has time for games, anyway?
3. He’s not your girlfriend: “What do pencil skirts, maxi dresses, tussy mussies and pashminas have in common? Exactly. We don’t need to know about them” says Mark (37, actor). Just because you’re into yoga, shopping and rescuing animals doesn’t mean that your man has to be. That’s why we have girlfriends. Finding someone who shares your interests is a bonus but it needn’t be a prerequisite. Shared values and a willingness to explore your partner’s passions is more important.
4. Touch me, don’t text me: “We’re all emotional creatures who shouldn’t sacrifice our authenticity for superficial cyber-encounters. We may be more connected than ever before, but there IS a reason why we end up having only a handful of true friends in a lifetime. Less still beats out more, and quality wins in the end. If you’re shy and technology is your springboard, fine but let us know in person, too” says Steve (40, ad exec). So take it easy on the fingers girls and learn how to use your voice, femininity, facial expressions, wit and nuances to communicate with your date.
5. First date = Fun: “I wish women would stop worrying and start having more fun on a first date. If you go into it with your focus on fun and making a connection, you can only have a good time”. Says David (45, surgeon).This should be a First Date Creed. Other than putting your best foot forward, there’s really nothing else to focus on. If you plan on having a good time, you will. Approach your date like you’re meeting a new friend. Anything after that is a bonus. This philosophy alleviates the pressure to see if he’s the One and instead, centers you on having fun and being yourself.
6. Cultivate the “WO” in woman: “Why do women have to always show their tough side? You’re strong? – Great! I get that. Now that you’ve shoved that point down my throat, can you start being a lady?” says Angry Adam (52, venture capitalist). Men love women because we’re not like them. We have things that they don’t . SHOW THEM your femininity, playfulness, softness and warmth. Give them a glimpse of your sexiness. Your strength is appreciated but it’s not the first and foremost quality that men seek in women to begin with.
7. Leave the past where it belongs: “I went out with a girl once who spent the entire evening convincing me that a) she doesn’t take shit b) is a force to be reckoned with and c) was burned before but will never, EVER be in that situation again…I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there. Please tell women not to make all men pay for the sins of a few” implores George (49, doctor). Everyone can relate to dating disasters. Half the time we’re more angry with ourselves for how we handled (or didn’t handle) a situation than with the actual male perpetrator. Learn the lesson and move on. Every man is a new experience; a new “dish” to try. If you keep finding yourself eating food that you don’t like, you better look inward and try to discover what you’re doing to attract the same thing
8. Know your worth: “I’ve got quite a few women friends who are wildly bright and successful in their careers but you would DIE if you saw the type of men they dated or the behavior they put up with; why don’t women understand their value?” Thanks Myles (40, director). How is a man supposed to see your value if you don’t? Establish rules for yourself. Determine what you’re willing to tolerate. Define your non-negotiables. Don’t be hung up on rules; let them serve as a guideline. Choose your men the same way you’d choose your friendships: with care.
9. Too Hot? Don’t Bother!: “I find it amazing that my really attractive girl friends cannot find dates; it’s like the hotter they are, the more difficult it is to attract the right man. Maybe they need to wear a sign that says “Please Approach Me!!!” because the kind of men that they like are not approaching them” (Jeff, 32, sound mixer). Sometimes the more attractive a woman is, the more she needs to send out “I’m approachable” signals. The bottom line is men are intimidated by really attractive women.. Even confident men lose their footing at times. Which is why it’s important to keep your green light on, smile, establish and maintain eye contact with someone you’re interested in. It could be a game changer.
10. “We are super visual” says all men all the time. Ask your best friend, someone whose fashion you admire or an image consultant what your style says about you. It is imperative. You may think those leather pants, flowy dresses or 80’s hairdo look great on you, but ask someone objective what they think. Perception is our own reality but have the courage to find out what other people perceive. Perhaps it’s time for a wardrobe update / new hair cut / make-over. Good image work is focused on accentuating the positive and disguising the not-so-positive. So… Experiment! Exercise! Hire an expert! Men notice a lot more than we realize and are less forgiving than women visually-speaking.