Dating in our 20's is like buying a pack of gum: it’s easy, quick, cheap and instantly satisfying.
Unfortunately, as we get older, it becomes more like going to the dentist; you do it because you know it's good for you, but you hate every minute of it.
It doesn't have to be that way. First dates can actually be f u n (oh yes I did).
While everybody has a story of a date-gone-wrong, part of the problem is expectations. As we get older, the stakes are higher while the dating pool keeps getting lower and murkier. We put so much pressure on ourselves to find a good catch that satisfies our check list that we’ve lost the pleasure of meeting someone new and cultivating a connection.
I get that you're tired; it's so exhausting to "sell yourself", turn on the charm after a long day at work, shower again and shell out more cash when all you want to do is settle in for the night and watch the "Criminal Minds" marathon.
It is disappointing when you make a lot of effort to drive across town to meet “Could-Be-The-One” but instead you’re faced with “Not-A-Chance-in-Hell”.
But…what about if you approach things differently and adjust your expectations?
Here's a “trick” that always works with our clients.
I say the following:
"Pretend that you and I are best friends and I mention that my cute older brother / sister (whom you've never met) is in town for business, knows nobody in LA and has been cooped up in their hotel room for days. Could you please just meet him / her out for one drink?"
Immediately they relax and are open to the situation.
Not only does this new frame-up help them shift their perspective, but they become totally unattached to the outcome. There’s almost a newfound playfulness to them. A casual drink with my best friend's brother/sister? Why not?! Just an hour? Cake walk. I only have to show up, be nice and have a laugh, they muse. And maybe even flirt a little since he's / she’s cute…Bonus!
Suddenly their expectations have been downsized and they decide to just show up and bring their authentic selves because they believe that they have nothing to lose....
Remember to savor the journey and have more fun along the way.