Can you explain ‘sexual polarity’ and how my husband and I can practice it to ignite passion in our marriage? Thank you, SH
Yes, I’m glad to support you both in experiencing more loving passion in your marriage.
First, what is polarity? When two magnets with the same poles come near each other, the magnetic fields move in opposite directions. However, when two opposite poles face each other, the fields, and the atoms inside the magnet, line up, thus pulling the magnets toward each other.
Sexual polarity is based on the same concept, except it pertains to the sexual attraction that is naturally created between the two opposite poles – the feminine and masculine poles. Opposite poles attract!
In his wonderful book, It’s a Guy Thing, An Owner’s Manual for Women, intimacy expert David Deida provides his definition of sexual polarity:
“What is Sexual Polarity? How do we maintain love and passion in our intimate relationships for more than a few months? How do we regenerate love and desire for one another year after year? Relationships are great at the beginning. Almost all new relationships are incredibly exciting and passionate. But over time something seems to happen. Things change.
There is a secret to maintaining the passion in emotional, sexual relationships. In moments of attraction and passion, there is an active principle called ‘sexual polarity.’ One individual plays the strong masculine pole and one individual plays the strong feminine pole. This creates sexual polarity – an almost irresistible attraction between two people.
The principle of polarity is true in all emotional and sexual relationships, homosexual as well as heterosexual. In fact, we find polarity in all nature. The masculine and feminine energies are like positive and negative electrical or magnetic qualities. If you have two magnets and put their north and south poles together, they attract each other. Opposite poles attract. But when you flip one magnet around and try to push the poles together, they repel. Like poles repel. This same principle of polarity also applies to intimate relationships.”
I couldn’t say it better than David! And highly recommend that women (and men) read this book. I also recommend his book, The Way of the Superior Man, which is written for men, and a very informative read for women. In his teachings, David also talks about how we all possess both masculine and feminine essences, and how we move in and out of both depending on our nature, our upbringing, and the life situations we're in that may require more or less of the feminine and masculine behaviors.
Women and Men Are Not Alike – Let’s Embrace Our Differences!
You see, it’s actually very healthy that women and men are opposite or very different from each other. That is what creates the attraction between us, and the sexual passion.
And so, SH, if this makes sense to you, take a closer look at how you and your husband do your dance of relationship with each other. Have you become too much the same as one another? Do you need to reclaim and express more of your feminine essence qualities, and he more of his masculine essence qualities?
The feminine is the force of life and source of inspiration. The feminine moves in all directions while the masculine moves in one direction. The feminine needs the masculine to give it direction, focus and purpose. The masculine needs the energy of the feminine to give it drive and passion. The masculine and the feminine need each other. And the oneness we create is like the yin and yang that represent duality forming a whole.
If you both truly want to get your passion back, and you feel you can do it on your own without coaching assistance, read David Deida’s books, and check out his website to see if he’s doing any workshops. I’ve attended one of his workshops, and it was life-changing for me in a very positive way. It helped me to get into a practice of honoring and expressing more of my feminine essence qualities, and has definitely added snap, crackle, and pop to my loving relationships.
I may not always understand men (!), but I now get how important it is that we honor our differences, and ultimately enjoy the healthy electricity caused by them. In accepting our core differences, it has helped me to feel the bliss of oneness in relationship with the masculine, which was missing for me in the past when I insisted on treating men more like girlfriends! Here’s to the snap, crackle, and pop of healthy and passionate sexual polarity in our loving relationships!
Your Life Coach,
Copyright 2012 Maddisen K. Krown M.A.