Dear Maddisen,
I’m so tired of the pattern I have of feeling melancholy and sad and being too serious. With the exception of a few things I want to improve in my life, I consider myself really lucky and fortunate. I have a good job, good friends, a pretty close family, but I feel sad a lot. I don’t want to take anti-depressants. Do you have something in your toolbox for this? I want to feel better. Thanks, MB

Dear MB,
What a great question – thank you for asking it here. Yes, I have something in my toolbox for you!
I often say this in response to my readers’ questions, and I’ll say it again – the answer resides in your question – you have been caught in a looping “pattern” that repeats itself over and over – an unconscious thought pattern of melancholy sadness and seriousness. This pattern is your direct line to the relief you seek.

Most likely, that particular pattern has been operating automatically and unconsciously in your life, making it difficult to see.  In fact, you may have come to believe that these feelings are who you are. Here’s the good news: this pattern, these feelings, are NOT who you are, and you can interrupt and end this pattern with the help of a conscious and super simple tool called the Pattern Journal.

The Pattern Journal
I learned about pattern journaling at the University of Santa Monica, where I received my Masters in Spiritual Psychology, and I have been using  this tool ever since, specifically when I start noticing a thought or behavioral pattern that I’m repeating AND that is causing me to suffer and feel unhappy or unbalanced. The pattern journal is where you identify and write about any pattern or patterns (mental, emotional, behavioral, spiritual, physical) that you are noticing in your own life. It is an excellent method for bringing your awareness to areas in your life that may need healing, improvement, or change.

32 Days to Freedom
Get a journal or notepad.  Write in your pattern journal in the morning or at the end of each day. Either time is fine, as long as you write in your pattern journal once a day for 32 days in a row. I prefer to write in my pattern journal at the end of the day before sleep. That way I can review my day and write about when and how the pattern showed up, how I felt, etc., while it’s still fresh in my mind, instead of waiting until the next morning when I may forget the details. Do what works best for your schedule.

Identify the repeating pattern. Write about it in detail - how and when you noticie it operating in your current life. Jot down concrete instances from the day of the pattern in action, how you felt, how you feel now, and any insights or ideas coming forth as a result of this. Perhaps set an intention to release this pattern and replace it with thoughts and/or actions that align with your desired state.

The pattern journal is meant to serve your well being, and is not meant for criticism or blame. If you feel self judgment or criticism coming up, practice Self Forgiveness. I’ve talked about Self Forgiveness in previous blogs, and here are the basic steps: Start with the expression, "I forgive myself for judging myself for/as..." or “I forgive myself for believing the lie that...", and then add whatever the judgments are. Say the phrases aloud. For example, "I forgive myself for judging myself as unaware.” Or, “I forgive myself for judging myself for feeling sad and too serious.” Or, “I forgive myself for judging other people for not making me happy.” Or, “I forgive myself for believing the lie that there’s something wrong with me.” Next, follow with this phrasing: "Because the truth is...", and then add the positive traits you know or sense to be true about yourself and others. For example, "Because the truth is I feel better and am more productive when I like myself.” Or, "Because the truth is I want to feel happier.” Or, "Because the truth is my happiness is up to me and not the responsibility of others". To practice self forgiveness on-the-fly, anytime, anywhere, say the core phrase by itself, "I forgive myself for judging myself."

Why It Works
Pattern journaling has a high success rate for breaking non-supportive patterns because it’s a direct method for bringing awareness and consciousness to thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that were previously unconscious and unseen. Pattern journaling is how we ‘out’ patterns!  Identifying a pattern and then writing it down and describing it in detail, along with how it makes you feel or what you noticed, can be super empowering and enlightening, and can stop a pattern dead in its tracks. This is all because you bring your awareness to it, which supports you in then having conscious dominion over how you want to move forward in a more positive and life affirming way.

We know how identifying a problem can be half the battle, and that once we identify a problem, we’ve already begun solving it and setting the wheels of resolution and liberation into motion. Sometimes just identifying a problem causes it to disappear altogether.

Try It, You’ll Love It
I love pattern journaling. Sometimes I’m shocked at what I’ve been thinking or how I’ve been repeating negative patterns, and am always very relieved when I can say goodbye to a pattern that I was formerly a prisoner of. We can make ourselves happy. In fact, true happiness always begins inside of us. And when we stand in and express from this internally grounded place, we often inspire others to do the same.

And so MB, the tool I recommend is the pattern journal, and doing it for 32 days. There’s a good chance you’ll notice positive results sooner and possibly right away. In addition, consider reaching outside of your comfort zone to support new and healthy patterns of the joy and fulfillment that you know is your birthright.  For example, take a stand-up comedy or comedy improv class, or enroll in a laughter yoga class. Yes, that’s correct – there is such a thing – Laughter Yoga!  Google it to find a class or group near you.  I know a woman who started taking laughter yoga for some of the same reasons you shared, MB, and I laugh just hearing about the exercises she does with her laughter yoga group. Here’s to our conscious liberation and joy!

Your Life Coach,
Maddisen

Copyright 2012 Maddisen K. Krown M.A.