Cristina and Andrea Morara are dating experts and own Stellar Hitch, a boutique matchmaking company catering to upscale professionals that incorporates dating coaching and image consulting in their matchmaking method.
The biggest challenge in dating today is that people expect to find their version of perfection…or at least someone who totally fulfills their ‘list of requirements’. We’re a culture who likes to check, check, check things off our list. The problem is, that’s all backwards. Of course you need to make sure that you’re meeting people within your range of fundamental priorities. But at the end of the day, it boils down to the feeling, not the list. When you feel that indescribably delicious chemistry with someone, I guarantee you’re not going to care about those extra pounds / the color of her hair / his height / her degree / his job, etc.. You’re NOT. You’re going to be so happy that you finally connected with your person that you will just deal with the pieces that aren’t a perfect fit.
Recently I’ve received feedback from three female clients who all shared the same complaint about their first dates: he talked non-stop. All three ladies were annoyed and reluctant to give the respective gentleman a second date. One woman said “I was so bored and unnerved, I just wanted to leave”. The other was a little more amused: “He asked me ONE question the entire night!!!” The third was very disappointed because she liked him initially and interpreted his two hour monologue as a sign of his disinterest.
Recently I sat down with a potential client. Let’s call him Joe. He walked towards me with confidence and warmth. I was immediately smitten. I tend to “fall in love” with my clients. Joe was in his early 50’s, “good-looking enough”, wildly successful in the medical field and charismatic. He spent the majority of time talking about his journey into self-discovery, studying eastern religions and how important it was to give back. He wanted to meet someone who was like-minded and self-aware with a degree of warmth and authenticity.
In our business, we meet all kinds of upscale professional singles who are looking for love. When a new clients says “I love my life. I’ve designed the life I want. I’m surrounded by great people and do interesting things. I don’t need a man / woman to make me happy; I’m just looking for someone to enhance my life” we get really excited to work with them because they’re dream clients. They have lives that they enjoy and are serene and busy doing interesting, cool things. This makes them super attractive. Sure they’d like to meet the right person but they’re still having fun along the way. They got it right.
The part of our job that I dislike the most is when I have to deliver the news to a client that their match didn’t feel any chemistry on the date. It’s always a little tough when the feeling is not mutual. Such are the rules of dating. You have to be “in it to win it” and part of the game is putting yourself out there and seeing what comes back.
These days we are navigating so many worlds in dating. There’s the virtual world, the tech world, the Facebook world and the real world. With so much emphasis on technology, people get so caught up in making a grand appearance. Too bad it doesn’t always match who they are in the real world.
It’s that time of year when the days are longer and hotter, the night feels sexier and more people are out and about. Ahhhhh, the sweet smell of summertime when the possibility of romance pulsates with promise. The business of matchmaking is on fire right now. Summer is a wonderful opportunity for singles to shift their perspective and approach in their dating life and tilt the odds in their favor of meeting someone special. Here are a few tips to do just that:
Greetings from Mars!
What Planet Venus Should Know
The most interesting part of our business is hearing about the different perceptions men and women have about one another. We are wired so differently! Here are ten candid comments from some of our male clients about what they wish single women knew.
One of the main reasons that we decided to go into the dating / matchmaking field was that we wanted to help singles be better prepared for dating. Emotionally prepared, conversationally prepared and behaviorally prepared. People rarely considered what kind of impression they wanted to make or how they wanted to lead. Have you thought about things you want your date to know about you…….or not know about you right away?
Cultivate the art of romance and celebrate this Valentine’s Day - La dolce vita style
The key to romance and seduction is to create extraordinary moments out of ordinary things. Some of the most meaningful ideas come from simplicity and the heart. Here are a few:
Eight Things You Can Do to Improve Your Dating Life Now
There’s a reason why high season in matchmaking starts in September. People anticipate the pending holidays and nobody wants to go through it alone. The stress, expectations, frenetic pace, obligations, retail ruckus…OY! Of course spending the holidays with the one we love is simply delicious but I often wonder if people try too hard to create magic with the wrong person or Mr./ Ms. Right Now. It is a very vulnerable time of year for a lot of people that can foster social anxiety, family dysfunction, excessiveness and bad behavior. It’s also a very beautiful time when traditions and loved ones gather ‘round to make more sweet memories.
Being a matchmaker has tremendous rewards…and challenges. Everybody has a story and I always feel honored when people share their intimate details and difficulties with me. All I want to do is help and inspire them. Then there are those who seem to have it all figured out. They’re the “I’ve got it covered” clientele. They seem to know a lot about their strengths and very little about their challenges or blind spots. They “don’t need any advice and know how to date”; they just need a little more “access” to the right people according to them. Which is partly true, I’m sure. However the part that amazes me the most is that they’re not interested in modifying anything about themselves or their approach to dating even though they’re striking out left and right. “I’m just fine the way I am – it’s them” essentially is what they’re expressing. This is when I quote Einstein’s definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over (and over!) again and expecting a different result.
I grew up in an Italian Catholic family where the rules were strict but the food was amazing. My mother, who was born and raised outside of Venice, Italy always taught me the importance of having traditional values, strong morals, to respect my body and “never chase the boys”. As I got older, I began to think that her viewpoints were a bit antiquated and stale. But now that I’m in the business of matchmaking and working with singles, I realize how incredibly important the implications of her words were.