Tuesday, 06 December 2011 08:40


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A few weeks ago I wrote a blog entitled ” 5 Reasons Why Women Have All The Power (And Don’t Even Know It)” and I received comments asking for specifics on how to flex this power. This was particularly true for the comment that women needed to “demand chivalry.”

Since we are in the thick of football season, I thought what better way to get across how much power women have by breaking it down in terms of professional football.

If mating was a football game, the men would be the players. Men train their whole lives for it. They work out rigorously, try to learn from the best, read books, study movies and other successful masters, and then they hone their new skills day in and day out. They crash. They burn. Many times, they don’t score. Sometimes, they show up to the stadium and never even able get a ticket to go inside.

But here is the sticking point: women aren’t the opponent. The woman’s role in this metaphor is much bigger. Men can always think of ways to score on the opponent, but scoring is useless if one commits penalties along the way and is thrown out of the game. No, women are not the opponents but rather the REFEREES of the game. Women determine what men can and cannot do, what men can get away with, and how men should play the game to get to that coveted end zone. The woman’s rules determine whether it is going to be a quick 2 minute drill, a casual scrimmage, or a well organized, nationally televised, professional event that could lead to the Super Bowl.

Men really don’t care what the format or the rules are, they just want to play. Men’s bodies are geared to run and gun and find every way there is to put points on the board. They don’t care if it is a night game, day game, doubleheader, rivalry, whatever…just as long as they can play ball. What holds men in check and guides their play are the standards & rules of the stadium. The plot thickens since women are not only the refs, but the owners and the commissioner as well. Women not only enforce the rules, but create them, and determine if men are allowed to even try to play the game. Sounds like a lot of power, right?

If there was a person in the NFL who was the commissioner, the owner, and the ref, it would be unfair and likely disallowed…

Well, that is the power you as women have in this game, but hundreds of years of bad media and a male dominated press core have made women believe that they are only the opposing team in need of male playmakers. Here is the truth: women do determine all the rules of mating. Men come to ladies’ doorsteps day in and day out. Sometimes it is just for fun, sometimes it is just for sex, and sometimes it is for a relationship. However, no matter what, men get none of it unless the woman approves. The men either abide by those rules or try to find another game in town.

However, if there are NO rules set, then it is like Madden 2012 on the PS3, and men are like Tom Brady throwing 85 yard bombs all day with no concern of right and wrong. Furthermore, if the rules are just randomly talked about as the dating progresses, then confusion sets in.

For instance, if a woman likes a man to be on time and to take the lead during the dating process, but doesn’t mention this until it is two months deep, then there are going to be red flags thrown all over the field. If you are a woman who prefers to only date one person at a time and wants your man to be of the same mindset, get that message out in the beginning and be prepared to walk away if he wants to date openly. Then he can decide which direction to go in.

There are, of course, direct and indirect ways to go about setting standards, and many times, the indirect way works the best. For instance, saying, “You know, I only date one person at a time so if this is going to continue, you need to be only dating me,” might scare the guy away. However, if you say, “I’m a kind of girl who likes to date one person at a time and I enjoy when the man does that as well,” then he can choose to reciprocate and feel like he made the decision to honor you.

The truth of the matter is that when you are looking for BF material, just stick to your standards and you will find that quality guy. When a guy is ready to stop running around town like an unrestricted free agent and commit to a relationship, he will first and foremost look for a woman who upholds her values and is not afraid to stick to them. He has played so many games by that point, many with no rule books at all, that the woman who pleasantly presents her rule book reflects class, elegance, and respect (Please feel free to email me for a little more detail on “Pleasantly Presenting you Rule Book”).

So if you are done with your own free agency and are ready to build a solid team; first, gain clarity in your values and non-negotiables, and then don’t be afraid to mention and stick to them once dating starts. If he doesn’t approve of them, then you have opposing dating goals and it is not the right match.

Happy playing out there and thank you for humoring me on this endless pro football metaphor.

Seize the Date,


Read 5312 times Last modified on Wednesday, 07 December 2011 15:26
Christian Anderson

Christian Anderson is the creator of Let's Talk Dating, a coaching program that helps men and women navigate through the 21st Century dating world. His Four Pillar system of Self Care, Attracting, Dating, and Committing helps identify the roadblocks we put up in our dating life and how to make shifts in perception, behavior, and action to foster a healthy relationship. He regularly speaks at seminars and retreats, hosts various workshops, and coaches one-on-one. He has made numerous appearances on various radio, web and TV shows and currently resides in Los Angeles. Contact Christian at Christian@LetsTalkDatingOnline.com, visit his site at www.letstalkdatingonline.com, and follow him on twitter at www.twitter.com/#!/letstalkdating.

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  • Comment Link Danny Tuesday, 03 January 2012 16:01 posted by Danny

    Dude! You sure know how to treat a woman, although I can bet you live in your ma's garage.

    I agree with some of what you posted, this guy doesn't know about dating in the real world, but I think it's uncool to be talking shit about women the way you have. Have some respect and maybe you'll get some back and who knows, you may get to meet one instead of paying hookers and watching online porn! Peace!

  • Comment Link anthony Tuesday, 20 December 2011 00:29 posted by anthony

    whats this guy's qualifications to write this drivel? How many women has he dated at his young age? sports metaphors are moronic. Let me correct him: YOUNG, HOT, CHILDLESS women might control the dating and have some power. The other 90% of chicks take what they can get. The ones that have high standards and hold out for perfection end up 50 years old, childless with 6 cats and no man. Highly desirable men get the women that they want. Listening to writers like Christian ensures that you will remain unmarried and unsatisfied. Ladies: learn to satisfy your man in the bedroom and in the kitchen and don't be a nagging bitch. Those are the keys to snagging the dude of your dreams and keeping him. The more you adhere to "The Rules" the longer you will remain bitter and unfulfilled. You've been replaced by porn and hookers. Guys: you need to pretend to listen to her crap and care about it while remaining smiling, aloof, interesting and charming. And dump the bitch the second she starts nagging and not putting out.


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