The #1 thing that’s killing dating today is quick judgment.
It’s normal and smart to be discerning but too much harsh, nitpicky judgment right away will severely limit your opportunities to meet and date a great person. Here are four qualities that reveal you may be a trigger-happy dater:
- You’re a One-Date Wonder. If you rarely make it to a second date, this is a huge indicator that you could be way too judgmental. Think about it. There’s always something that comes up for you. His hands, her energy, an off-handed comment, their clothing, the length of time it took to answer your text. Could the problem be you? Are your expectations too high? Are you trying to play it safe? You owe it to yourself to ask these questions.
- You’re super rigid. When you make a decision about someone, you believe it wholeheartedly and no one can change your mind. Unless someone greatly insults you or your deepest beliefs, first dates should be where you simply collect information about the other person, stay open-minded and give them --and you-- a chance to experience each other in a different light on date #2.
- You always say “I can tell within seconds if there’s something there”. If you’re constantly shutting people down within seconds of meeting them (because you just ‘know’), you are in great danger of missing out on someone amazing (and being single for a very long time). We have tons of success stories that began with neutral first dates. Our favorites: “He seems too perfect; I’m assuming he’s gay” (um, no!) or “We had an amazing first date but I just don’t feel the chemistry” (until he kissed you, you mean) or “He’s a great catch and I can totally see why you introduced him to me but I just…can’t put my finger on it” (we did; he was emotionally available and interested in you and that scared you).
- You can’t help it, you always find the flaws. From the way they laugh to the way they dress or the way they walk, you can’t stop finding (and obsessing over) the flaws. What we see depends mainly on what we look for. Note: Looking for perfection will leave you single forever.
Consider adhering to a three date-rule before you rule someone out because you could be letting go of a wonderful person simply because you caught them on a bad day. Three dates will give you a clear enough vision to feel if there’s enough intrigue or potential to continue seeing the person. Also, one of the best ways to stop being too judgmental is cultivating a natural sense of curiosity about the world and the people around you.