Dating is tricky. You show up, try to connect, share a little and say goodbye. Then what?!
You just spent two hours with a stranger and have no idea what will happen next. If you want to tilt the odds in your favor and get a second date, avoid these eight common mistakes:
1. You talk too much and don’t ask questions. Successful men are often accused of doing this. If you’re talking the entire time, there’s no room to build a connection. The point of a date is to exchange information and share. Show your interest by asking questions. Even if you’re neutral about your date, it’s still an essential conversational skill to have and you may be surprised by what you learn from the other person.
2. You come across as awkward and uncomfortable. If you’re not great at first dates, practice the art of conversation with close friends first. And be honest. It’s very disarming (and charming) when someone starts a date with “Bear with me, I’m horrible at this” or “Give me a few minutes to find my mojo.” A sense of humor goes a long way.
3. You’re not fun. Ouch! Well, are you? Fun means you laugh easily; you’re light-hearted and don’t take things so seriously. It means you’re engaging and have interesting stories. You’re flexible, spontaneous and playful. Fun is sexy.
4. There’s too much, too soon. First dates should last 1-2 hours max. You should leave when the energy is high. People feel like they have to know everything about the other person all at once. What’s the beauty in that? Build a little anticipation of what’s to come.
5. You come across as rude or high maintenance. People forget that they’re complete strangers when they’re on a date and that they’re being observed in a hundred different ways. How you treat other people around you is quite significant and telling, including the hostess/ waiter/ bartender/valet. Even how you order your food is being noted. Men always comment on these things.
6. There’s no real connection. Having no chemistry means that you’re just not attracted to the person; but having no connection could simply mean that you didn’t ask the right questions. Tapping into somebody’s emotional center breeds a certain closeness. Starting with just-the-facts is fine but you should gradually pose a few interesting questions that will reveal more about your date, like “What do you like most about yourself?” Or “Name three things you can’t live without” or “What’s your idea of a perfect day?”
7. You try too hard and it shows. If you’re constantly asking yourself “Does he/she like me?” your date will be over before it even began. This need for validation is a huge turn-off. Try to focus your intention ONLY on enjoying yourself, enjoying your date and having a fun time.
8. You have no idea how to close. (For men) The date is about to end, you get nervous and act like a goober. Take the lead and let her know that you’re interested in her. If you want to take the pressure off to make something happen at the end, try to let her know during the date (when you have good momentum) that you’re enjoying her and “we should do this again…” Or end with “I had a great time and would love to see you again. Could I call you this week to set something up?” Then do it.