Matchmaking is incredibly rewarding. To hear “you’re so good at what you do” or read a text that says “Bulls eye!” or simply “!!!” right after a first date gives us goose bumps.
Even though we’re very thoughtful and thorough when we introduce people to each other, there’s really no telling if both people will feel a spark. It’s completely elusive…and intoxicating. So when it does happen, people are really excited to see the other person again and they sometimes forget a few basic nuances.
Here are three ways singles can get tripped up after a good first date:
Having unfair expectations.
Most people lead very busy lives. This doesn’t change after they meet you. Even if there’s serious chemistry, they still have responsibilities, deadlines, friends, family, booked vacations, etc., that need to be looked after. People tend to make snap judgments though. We’ve heard: “It will be another two weeks before she can meet me for a second date; she must not be serious about dating”. Or “I left her a voicemail and she texted me back. She must not be interested”. Or (after a ‘home run’ first date) “she’s leaving for vacation for a few weeks; what’s the point of a second date when I won’t see her for awhile?”
These judgments are made after spending a nice 2 – 3 hours with a stranger.
If there’s a spark, you’re halfway there. Give someone the benefit of the doubt and try not to take things so personally. Just because timing is initially a challenge doesn’t mean that someone is not interested or playing games. They. Had. A. Life. Before. You.
Forgetting to Feel More and Think Less.
Approaching first dates with a sense of adventure is tantamount to having an interesting, engaging experience. There’s a lot of over thinking and over judging, too. Unfortunately, first dates (or relationships for that matter) do not come with guarantees. Decide NOT to decide if you want to have a relationship with the person and just connect, have fun and try to reserve judgment (everyone is flawed). And if you’re unsure, explore. The core of dating is wrapped in discovery and understanding what you feel when you’re with the person.
Overlooking their date’s sense of timing.
Sometimes the spark can be slow to show for one person while the other person feels more immediately. Usually this creates a bit of neutrality in the person who’s not sure which means they’re not chomping at the bit for a second date BUT have committed to one to see if things can grow. This does not mean they’re disinterested, it simply means they need more time to understand their feelings which they’re open to exploring. (A very healthy dating approach). Be tenacious! We’ve facilitated and encouraged many “neutral” first dates that have turned into beautiful, successful, long-term relationships. Chemistry doesn’t always hit at the same time.