Thursday, 13 December 2012 02:34

Singles’ Holiday Survival Guide? Puh-lease!

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5 Steps to Clear the Pity Party

Oh SH%$, It’s the Holidays!

I am not a fan of the single’s holiday survival blogs…but let’s knock around a few points here to help keep the mind right during the holiday season.

The glorious time of year to be grateful for being alive and around family, somehow gets transformed into a dreary “State of the Singles Union” around the dinner table.

IF, you are feeling the anxiety coming on with the holidays, and are feeling it is time to start “calling in the one,” then let’s set an action plan. No use in worrying or doubting yourself. Have a great time this holiday season with family and friends, bask in the joy of being alive and well, soak up the freedoms of singledom, and then, let’s create an action plan for your coming love life.

Here are some pointers to hold onto this season when you get assaulted about your singledom as you reach for that eggnog. I won’t sugar coat any of these or hallmark it up. Let’s get right down to brass tacks.

STEP 1: It’s all about you

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It’s not about your aunts or cousins being nosy and invasive. Comments about your singledom only bother you if you are sensitive about the situation. If you are sensitive about the situation, then you are worried about the future. If you are worried about the future, then you are lacking faith in your ability to attract a good relationship into your life. If you are lacking faith… then we just located where to begin to make 2013 your year of amazing love! In the meantime, tell them one of Marni Battista’s suggestions: “Check back in the 3 months and I will let you know. I am being cautiously optimistic.” And then, change the subject.

STEP 2: Take Responsibility

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9.5 times out of 10 our frustrations in the dating world rarely have to do with the outside dating pool. The only person we can control in this situation is ourselves. Take care of yourself, be honest with yourself, acknowledge that you could be getting in your own way, and that you have the ability to get out of your own way, and you will begin to shift your results in the dating world.

STEP 3: Clear the Negativity

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You must start with LOVE. And you must start with loving YOURSELF. Go easy on yourself! Every time you produce some erroneous thought about not being dateable, or a good catch, or eternally single…take note. Awareness is the first step and half the battle. Many times, we are creating a self fulfilling prophecy in our singledom by manifesting the negative thoughts in our head. When we fill our thoughts with right things, the wrong ones have no room to enter.  But awareness is the first step.

STEP 4: Invest in You

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How much is your love life worth?  Do you believe that you are a million dollar catch? What value do you place on your ability to be a great girlfriend or boyfriend? If you are hesitant to state a multi-million dollar amount, why is that? What is standing in your way? If you can easily say you are worth millions upon millions of dollars, write those reasons down. They are your gold and need to be affirmed daily and before every time you go out.

Many times we want a relationship, but deep down inside, we don’t think we are worth much or able to be a good partner. That negative energy seeps through our pores and affects who we attract into our dating life. The Law of Attraction states that Like Attracts Like. Therefore, if you are full of limiting beliefs about yourself as a partner then you will attract a person with those same negative beliefs.


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We can toss around good ideas on these blogs all day long, but they are useless unless action is followed.  I remember thinking that I wanted to find more peace and relaxation in my life, but I never did anything about it. Sure I would think about it and practice some good thoughts, but until I made a definitive and concerted change of mind and action, did I begin to see results in my life.

Set a goal: By Valentine’s Day, ask yourself what you can do to be more proactive in your dating life. Does it involve solely self care? Maybe you will focus on yourself and embrace all the gifts you have and believe that you are a million dollar catch.

Maybe you need to get out more often, and make it a point to be more social. No more home-body nights! Get out…that is where opportunity lies.

Maybe you do get out a bunch, but always the same venues that are producing the same results. Try something new in the new year…weekly wine tastings, weekly volunteering, doing  your work from a hip coffee shop in the neighborhood. Choose one and commit to it.

OR…maybe you are open to a more hands on approach and agree to initiate contact with 5 men per week.  Spot a potential catch and ask him for advice, for directions, or lay a compliment on him. What do you have to lose?! Who knows what will happen?

Action leads to Momentum which leads to Confidence which leads to Results.

So this Holiday Season, do not entertain the dreary “State of the Singles Union.” You are single and awesome and in the process of creating an incredible love life. Enjoy every moment with your family and friends: this could be your last single’s Christmas so soak up the freedom! Afterwards, get ready to ignite your love life in 2013.It all comes down to you. Are you ready?

Seize the date,


Read 5950 times Last modified on Sunday, 16 December 2012 19:13
Christian Anderson

Christian Anderson is the creator of Let's Talk Dating, a coaching program that helps men and women navigate through the 21st Century dating world. His Four Pillar system of Self Care, Attracting, Dating, and Committing helps identify the roadblocks we put up in our dating life and how to make shifts in perception, behavior, and action to foster a healthy relationship. He regularly speaks at seminars and retreats, hosts various workshops, and coaches one-on-one. He has made numerous appearances on various radio, web and TV shows and currently resides in Los Angeles. Contact Christian at, visit his site at, and follow him on twitter at!/letstalkdating.

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