Monday, 25 June 2012 01:45

Dating >> How to Get Rid of Those First Date Nerves

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First Dates can be a little nerve racking, especially if you have some excitement over the beau taking you out. Maybe it has been awhile or maybe you have had a series of duds and this one seems like he could be the real deal.

Seems like is the key phrase.

Let’s tap into our mammalian history to get a little perspective and help for that first date.


gorilla beating chest.jpg - 8.16 KbFact: The female does the choosing during most mammalian mating. She throws out the call and waits for various suitors to arrive and do their custom version of beating chests and showing alpha like qualities. She inspects and picks the one that best suits her reproductive demands to best continue the clan.

How does this mini-science lesson help your first date jitters?

Don’t make it about you
. Make it about him. When you get in your head and get concerned about how you are appearing, acting, or being perceived, then you can get tense, heady, nervous, and potentially inauthentic. So let’s get you out of your head and onto your potential suitor (pun intended). When you are acting like your mammalian sisters and checking out if he is the right fit, then all of your focus is on him. You are asking him questions; finding out about his intellectual capacity, his sense of humor, his passions, and his ability to relate to you. Through this focus, you will definitely reveal the signs of the magic…

3 C’s.

(Chemistry, Compatibility, and Communication).

But, if you talk all night from nervous energy or a need to prove your worth, you take away your ability to discover if he has the goods, and furthermore, not allow him to tap into his own mating skills.

Fact: Most of us men love to revel into our innate want to protect and provide for you. As Steve Harvey talks about in his book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man,” we men live to do three things for our women: Profess, Provide, and Protect.

checking out man.png - 208.99 KbTherefore, by taking the pressure off of yourself and redirecting it onto him, you allow him to tap into his innate want and desire to swoon and court you. You are lobbing softballs to him all night and seeing how he hits them out of the park. All your attention is on the suitor in front of you, and off your own self awareness, reducing self inflicted pressure and calming your nervous system. You will find a great deal confidence in this new space, and we all know the sexiest thing you can bring to a date is confidence.

Quick note here: I am not endorsing an audition or interview like process for the date. Instead, I am promoting a night of discovery; a discovery of chemistry, of compatibility, and of communication.

Sit back and enjoy the ride and find out if he has the goods to march into your kingdom. He will love the pursuit and you will enjoy his best celebration of a 21st century courting concoction.

Seize the Date,


Read 3925 times Last modified on Tuesday, 26 June 2012 05:03
Christian Anderson

Christian Anderson is the creator of Let's Talk Dating, a coaching program that helps men and women navigate through the 21st Century dating world. His Four Pillar system of Self Care, Attracting, Dating, and Committing helps identify the roadblocks we put up in our dating life and how to make shifts in perception, behavior, and action to foster a healthy relationship. He regularly speaks at seminars and retreats, hosts various workshops, and coaches one-on-one. He has made numerous appearances on various radio, web and TV shows and currently resides in Los Angeles. Contact Christian at, visit his site at, and follow him on twitter at!/letstalkdating.

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