In our business, we meet all kinds of upscale professional singles who are looking for love. When a new clients says “I love my life. I’ve designed the life I want. I’m surrounded by great people and do interesting things. I don’t need a man / woman to make me happy; I’m just looking for someone to enhance my life” we get really excited to work with them because they’re dream clients. They have lives that they enjoy and are serene and busy doing interesting, cool things. This makes them super attractive. Sure they’d like to meet the right person but they’re still having fun along the way. They got it right.
The part of our job that I dislike the most is when I have to deliver the news to a client that their match didn’t feel any chemistry on the date. It’s always a little tough when the feeling is not mutual. Such are the rules of dating. You have to be “in it to win it” and part of the game is putting yourself out there and seeing what comes back.
There’s a reason why high season in matchmaking starts in September. People anticipate the pending holidays and nobody wants to go through it alone. The stress, expectations, frenetic pace, obligations, retail ruckus…OY! Of course spending the holidays with the one we love is simply delicious but I often wonder if people try too hard to create magic with the wrong person or Mr./ Ms. Right Now. It is a very vulnerable time of year for a lot of people that can foster social anxiety, family dysfunction, excessiveness and bad behavior. It’s also a very beautiful time when traditions and loved ones gather ‘round to make more sweet memories.
Being a matchmaker has tremendous rewards…and challenges. Everybody has a story and I always feel honored when people share their intimate details and difficulties with me. All I want to do is help and inspire them. Then there are those who seem to have it all figured out. They’re the “I’ve got it covered” clientele. They seem to know a lot about their strengths and very little about their challenges or blind spots. They “don’t need any advice and know how to date”; they just need a little more “access” to the right people according to them. Which is partly true, I’m sure. However the part that amazes me the most is that they’re not interested in modifying anything about themselves or their approach to dating even though they’re striking out left and right. “I’m just fine the way I am – it’s them” essentially is what they’re expressing. This is when I quote Einstein’s definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over (and over!) again and expecting a different result.
I grew up in an Italian Catholic family where the rules were strict but the food was amazing. My mother, who was born and raised outside of Venice, Italy always taught me the importance of having traditional values, strong morals, to respect my body and “never chase the boys”. As I got older, I began to think that her viewpoints were a bit antiquated and stale. But now that I’m in the business of matchmaking and working with singles, I realize how incredibly important the implications of her words were.
Men have always had to do much of the heavy lifting in the initial stages of dating. They’re the ones who have to approach women (except in LA) and open themselves up to rejection.