Ask Maddisen

Tuesday, 31 December 2013 09:47

Consciously Create Your Goals in 2014!

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Einstein goals

Dear Maddisen:

I’m curious to know your approach to new year’s resolutions, and how good you are at following through and achieving them. Any tips for us readers? Happy New Year, WG

Tuesday, 03 December 2013 11:10

Improve Your Health – Practice Gratitude

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thank you

Dear Readers:

Welcome to the holiday season! Thanksgiving is the perfect time to celebrate the harvest of living and give thanks for all blessings big and small.


Dear Readers,

This holiday season – in the spirit of gratitude, loving service, and good-heartedness – I’d like to share this positive update about my personal journey with my elder parents.

The Journey Home
Two years ago, I shared with you about my trip home to Connecticut for Thanksgiving, to be with my family. My focus and the main theme for this week-long trip went way beyond the one day of festivities. I was primarily there to assist my elder parents, to do some serious cleaning and clearing inside their large home, and to realistically assess their states of health and next steps for their care.

It was a sobering experience to say the least, bittersweet at best, with many epiphanous ponderings about life, love, acceptance, death, and what it really means to live a healthy and meaningful life.  

It was also a wonderful time to reunite with one of my two sisters who lives within one hour from our parents, and who joined forces with me to take on this monumental parental care project. We spent the three days before Turkey Day on task at our childhood home. While keeping our frail, now 90 year old Dad at bay as he interrogated us over every old knickknack, sock, and outdated magazine clipping that we attempted to file, toss, or give away, and while keeping our dear, sweet, dementia-altered 86 year old Mom close by to keep us company – my sister and I laughed, cried, grimaced, and reminisced as we sorted through decades of stuff, including books, clothing, photos, lots of memorabilia, our parent’s precious wedding album from the 40’s which included a breathtaking photo of Mom singing at her reception, foreign currency collections from their many trips abroad, Mom’s extensive and impeccably matched wardrobe, including her 80’s dresses with the big shoulder pads (remember?!), knitting, needlepoint, Dad’s instrument and invention paperwork, a lock of my hair from 1962, and my sister’s Ken doll from the 60’s, who we found naked and missing an arm. Oh my God, we laughed so hard we cried!  I remember changing Ken’s hair color with a magic marker when I was about eight; think my sister almost killed me!

Spending those three very full days with them was the best thing my sister and I could have done, for several reasons, but mainly because we were directly faced with the reality of their states of physical and mental decline, and an absolute knowing that we must take the lead regarding their proper care. We realized that we had become our parent’s parents.

What’s Happened Since
Immediately following that eye-opening trip home, my sisters and I sought out in-home care for our parents. We did this to respect our father’s strong desire (and adamant demand) to remain in their home of 40+ years, which they built. We quickly located and hired the services of a wonderful organization called the Visiting Angels. Since then, my parents have had the attentive and loving live-in support of a Visiting Angel (wonderful Yvonne), which has helped in every way imaginable.  My parents now have assistance with cooking, washing, dressing, laundry, cleaning, driving to the grocery store and doctor’s appointments, and most important, the comfort of knowing they are not alone in what has become the “chore” of living and doing even the most simple tasks.

This has worked beautifully for the past two years, but it is now becoming apparent that they are requiring even more assistance and medical care than can be provided by a live-in Angel; so we have been researching the next step, which is assisted living. We began discussing it with Dad a few months ago, knowing he would likely be initially very resistant to leaving his home, and that was the case.  Again, we’ve done this in a respectful and loving way, and the good news is that he is now expressing that they’re ready and even desiring to take this next step.  

Facing Mortality at Midlife
I must admit, to be currently navigating the challenging waves of my own midlife, while at the same time witnessing and helping my parents as they struggle with declining abilities in almost every area of their lives – is one of the most sobering, difficult, sad, and yet most beautiful and empowering experiences of my life.  I’m sure there are those of you who can relate to this. And there is no way to fully grasp what this is like until we experience it ourselves.

And let's be honest here - we may live in a culture obsessed with youth, however, the truth is everyone, no matter what age, is on the natural path toward elderhood, so it's vital that we honor ourselves and others at every stage of life. 

Listen To Mother Teresa – Do Good Anyway
The primary message I want to leave with all of you, is that my sisters and I are caring for our parents in this way and at this crucial time in their lives, because we love them and instinctively know they need us, and because it’s the right thing to do.

Regardless of the strained relationship with my father that all three of us girls have experienced for most of our lives, or any unresolved conscious or unconscious issues – I KNOW from the higher viewpoint and from within my heart – that caring for both Mom and Dad, and assisting them in making the safest and most loving transition from their physical state back to the Spiritual realm from whence they came – is my heartfelt mission, and I feel very clear and uplifted in doing so. This is unconditional love.

I sense that our unconditional love will travel with Mom and Dad as they cross the threshold from life to death, holding them, and perhaps even liberating their wounds and the wounds of past and future generations. Love and Forgiveness release karma.

I close by sharing this powerfully inspiring quote, which is taken from Dr. Kent Keith’s ‘Paradoxical Commandments’, and which Mother Teresa had on the wall of her children's home in Calcutta. These words exactly describe how I feel about caring for my parents, and all life.

“If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.  Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.”

During the holidays and into the new year and the years ahead, may you do your very best to love and honor your own life and the lives of your loved ones - through birth and death. Do good anyway.

Your Life Coach,

Copyright 2013 Maddisen K. Krown M.A.

Monday, 14 October 2013 01:41

How To Convert Your Dreams Into Reality

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Dear Maddisen:
So many times I’ve heard “do what you love and the money will follow”, and I think this is so much BS.  I have specific dreams that I’m very certain I want, with no doubt, but why am I struggling so much to receive them?  SW

Tuesday, 17 September 2013 00:27

How to Stop “Shoulding” on Yourself

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Dear Maddisen:
My spouse and I have separated after more than a decade of marriage. We've been in individual and some couples counseling, and we've spent many hours and months in honest conversation about the fulfilling and non-fulfilling aspects of our relationship. We are now in mutual agreement about one key area, the elephant, that we consider a deal-breaker.

We've really made a disciplined effort to explore the personal and spiritual lessons of this partnership, to honor why we came together in marriage, and to live up to our vow of 'till death do us part.' But honestly, at this point, my entire being is emphatically declaring that "we are complete." And when I let that in, I feel clarity and a sense of relief. But isn't it wrong to turn away? Shouldn't we make this marriage work? Our families and friends think we should. I'm conflicted and very confused, and would appreciate your viewpoint on this. Thanks, ML

Dear ML,  

I acknowledge you for your courage and honesty in sharing your story here, for your devotion to growth and fulfillment, for identifying the 'elephant' in your marriage, and for being open to highest good solutions. This is certainly a widely discussed topic that elicits many viewpoints. My intention is to address your doubts and the emphatic answer you are hearing -- "we are complete" -- and to offer suggestions for how you might both follow all of this to resolution.

I understand how very confusing it may feel in the chaos of everyone, including yourself, pressuring you about what you should do.

However, it's possible that the "shoulding" is a sign that you are swimming upstream, rowing against the current, and actually heading in the 'wrong" direction. Your emotional symptoms imply this. "Shoulding" can invoke negative feelings such as confusion, discomfort, unhappiness, resistance, frustration, sadness, depression, and/or anger.

But don't lose hope, because this is actually good news in that your emotional guidance system is feeding you vital information. You see, when we're "shoulding" on ourselves, we're most likely facing an adverse situation. And although this adverse situation may cause us to feel uncomfortable or unhappy, it's actually happening to help us define what would make us happier. Yes, I'm proposing that we use adversity to clarify what we don't want, in service of moving into what we do want. This is the nature of Nature.

If this rings true for you, ML, and for any of my readers, your next step is to explore the adversity to get clear on what you want. To do that, take some time for yourself and carry out the following process.


Step 1 - Notice the adverse situation.
What adverse situation are you experiencing? What are your symptoms? They might include discomfort, confusion, resistance, sadness, hopelessness, suffering, frustration, depression, and/or anger.

Realize that this is an opportunity for you to gather information about what you don't want in service of clarifying what you do want.

If possible, accept the situation and all of your uncomfortable feelings. If that's too difficult, just notice it all, be aware of it all, and observe. Be patient and loving with yourself and the others involved. Practice self forgiveness.

Step 2 - Identify what you don't like.
What don't you like about this situation? What's not working? Specifically, what joy are you missing?

For example, are you sacrificing your own true voice and being true to yourself in any way? Are you sacrificing values, basic needs, and/or heartfelt desires?

If it helps, you might also list this on paper, speak it aloud, or both.

Step 3 - Identify what you really want.
What is it that you really want? What fullness or balance do you desire? What joys are you seeking?

What is your truth calling forth, what values, basic needs, fullness, and/or heartfelt desires must be acknowledged and experienced?

If it helps, you might also list this on paper, speak it aloud, or both.

Know that this is why we are here in this lifetime -- to live our fullness and heartfelt desires & purposes, and that when we use adversity to define and and move into our heartfelt desires, we are moving in the "right" direction.

Step 4 - Take inspired actions.
Allow yourself to take the inspired actions that move you into the fullness and joy you desire. Do this with love, patience, and respect for yourself and anyone involved.

In your case ML, what might your inspired actions look like? It's possible that your separation is one such inspired action. How else might you support yourself and receive support in moving into your fulfillment and joy? Might you share this process with your spouse?

Step 5 - Honor yourself.
Allow yourself to enjoy your life journey. Be your greatest ally and supporter and honor your truth, honor what you want. Let those rockets of desire lead you into happiness and fulfillment and loving purpose. In living your highest good, you will indeed be serving the highest good of all concerned.

Regarding Step 1 and my suggestion about "acceptance". I understand that acceptance can feel difficult and even impossible when we don't like "what is". That's why I recommend you just notice the adversity and observe it.

However, if you'd like to take acceptance a bit deeper, check out Byron Katie's process called "The Work", by clicking here:

And so, dear ML, I hope all of this has helped you toward resolution. You've shared two important points that I'd like to repeat: 1) you and your spouse are in agreement about one key area that you consider a deal-breaker; and 2) your entire being is declaring "we are complete."

Therefore, your marriage partnership may indeed be complete.  I trust you will take the time you need to make a decision that is in your highest good and ultimately in the highest good of all concerned.

Don't get stuck in "shoulding" on yourself, but rather use it for your liberation. Remember that adversity is a natural part of life, and that it's there so we can determine what we don't want in service of moving into what we do want.

“Struggle is the food from which change is made, and the best time to make the most of a struggle is when it's right in front of your face.

Now, I know that might sound a bit simplistic. But, too often we're led to believe that struggling is a bad thing, or that we struggle because we're doing something wrong.

I disagree. I look at struggle as an opportunity to grow. True struggle happens when you can sense what is not working for you and you're willing to take the appropriate action to correct the situation. Those who accomplish change are willing to engage the struggle.” – Danny Dreyer

“Life's a climb. But the view is great.” – Miley Cyrus

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” – Dalai Lama

From the heart,
your Life Coach Maddisen

Copyright 2013 Maddisen K. Krown M.A.

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Dear Readers,

Have you been challenged in any of these areas: managing your mind, thoughts, and feelings; or taking care of your body; or reconnecting with your true nature of awareness, wisdom, power, and love? Are you ready and willing to move more fully and successfully into the actions of your purpose, work, love, overall healing, and the miracles of life?

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Dear Maddisen:

I’m in my 30’s, but I still find myself feeling really angry at my father for all the stuff he did and didn’t do when I was a kid, and for how oblivious he still is about all of that. He’s such an unhappy person. And guess what, so am I. How can I free myself from this bitter prison? And how do I not pass this on to my own kids? AL

Frozen By Fear & Worry? Here’s How To Break Free.

Dear Maddisen:
I was laid off from my job. I have some savings, and a solid idea for a small business that I already started. Problem is I can’t stop worrying about everything, especially money and my survival. And this fear is paralyzing me. I’ve been just stuck. I need to get off my butt! Help! TC

Dear TC:
I’m glad you are reaching out for assistance. I understand that frozen feeling, and will outline a few simple steps to help you get moving and back into constructive action.

As you read this article, refer to the “Ladder of Conscious Living” diagram, which is inspired by Steve Chander’s Mindshift Ultimate Success CD Course. Feel free to print it out and keep it handy.

Fear and Worry can paralyze us
Fear can freeze our mind and our ability to take constructive actions. As TC described, fear and worry can make us feel paralyzed or stuck. When we’re in this state, we may also have lowered confidence and self esteem. Fear tends to get us stuck on the question – what can I get? – which is desperate and usually not productive. Some people can use anger to motivate themselves into action, but unfortunately that doesn’t work for everyone. And worry is simply a waste of our imagination.

When we shift gears and move into Concern, we can take action
First, it makes a positive difference when we choose to believe and trust that we’re here for a reason – that our lives have value and purpose, and that all life is a gift to be cherished and respected. If and when we find ourselves stuck and frozen on the rungs of fear and worry, the easiest thing we can do is “shift gears” and move up the ladder into Concern, caring concern about our welfare and wellbeing. From the place of concern, it’s much easier to move and take action. Concern also shifts us from asking “what can I get?” into asking “what can I give?” – which is a productive stance. When we ask, “what can I give?”, this frees our minds to generate constructive ideas and inspires us to take life-supporting actions.

Three Steps to Freedom
If you are feeling frozen or paralyzed by fear and worry, follow these steps to break free and start moving and taking constructive and caring actions.

Step 1
Look at and review the “Ladder of Conscious Living”. Trust that you are here for a reason, and that your life has value and purpose, and that all life is a gift to be cherished and respected.

Step 2
Move up the ladder into Concern. Feel caring concern about your life and wellbeing. Think of any small steps you can take to support your wellbeing and progress in your current situation. If it helps, also ask, “What can I give?” On paper or electronically, write a log of 2-5 actions you can take today to support your movement forward. And begin taking them. Write in your log daily, writing 2-5 actions you can take each day, and do this for at least 32 days. If it helps, do this exercise with a friend or loved one, and share your lists with each other once a week.

Step 3
Continue to explore and practice the higher rungs on the ladder. Also, notice the difference between ‘trying’ and ‘committing’ to your wellbeing. Notice the difference between neutral observation without judgment vs. reacting to things as good or bad, or right and wrong. And if you find yourself moving down into fear or worry, picture yourself climbing up the ladder to Concern, and take caring actions that support your welfare.

Live Consciously
This Ladder of Conscious Living reminds me of a painting I’ve seen of Jacob’s Ladder, with its ascending and descending angels. My view of this is that we are ALL the ascending and descending angels, in constant motion on the ladder of life – evolving and succeeding in our life’s purpose as we ascend or climb up the ladder, and then descending or going back down the ladder with our new empowered and caring awareness to help others learn how do the same in their own lives. Ascending to evolve, descending to serve, ascending to evolve, descending to serve. Helping yourself and helping others.

And so, dear TC and all my readers, now that you are aware of this Ladder of Conscious Living, you have the choice to live more consciously and with more self responsibility. When you’re in a safe state of operation, consider showing others how to do the same climb from frozen fear to concerned and caring action. May we all become pro’s at living successfully, taking concerned and caring actions that support our wellbeing and the wellbeing of all life.

“The best antidote I know for worry is work. The best cure for weariness is the challenge of helping someone who is even more tired. One of the great ironies of life is this: He or she who serves almost always benefits more than he or she who is served.” – Gordon B. Hinkley

“I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.” – Rabindranath Tagore

“The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don’t wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope.” – Barack Obama

From the heart,
your Life Coach Maddisen

Copyright 2013 Maddisen K. Krown M.A.

Dear Maddisen:
I run a successful seminar business, and have a wonderful wife and 3 great kids. My days start very early, at 5am, and are very long. I usually lose steam in the afternoon and want a break, but refuse to let myself leave the office and take one. And if I do take a break, I get really hard on myself. I wish there was more time in the day! I think I’m off balance, but don’t know how to get more done! Any tips for me? Thanks, RZ

Dear RZ,
Great question, and thanks for writing in. Sounds like you work very hard, and your stress sounds very real. Allow me to provide you with some simple insights and techniques to support you in getting balance and more time back into your busy life.

Rule #1: Remember that you are a soul with a mind and a body
We are divine beings having a human experience, which means we each have three primary parts: our soul (or spirit), our mind, and our body. The soul is driver, however, each part needs to be nourished and cared for, and each part feeds the other; they are interdependent. We need to listen to, care for, and exercise our soul, our mind, and our body. What are some ways you can do this?

Rule #2: Care for yourself so you can care for others
You must take good care of yourself if you are going to be able to take good care of your family and others.

So first, let’s look at the afternoons when you lose steam and want a break. My first recommendation: Take a Break! Take a break that energizes and balances you. Ask yourself, what energizes you and balances you? Perhaps that means taking a 20 minute power nap, or meditating, or doing cardio, or mowing the lawn and getting some fresh air, etc. Take a break, which will re-energize your soul, mind, and body, bring you back into healthy balance, and allow you to go back to work and be productive and creative, not exhausted!

Rule #3: Practice Self Forgiveness
And if you feel self criticism seeping in because you’re taking a needed break, practice Self Forgiveness, and then finish your break!

Step 1:
Start with the expression: "I forgive myself for judging myself for/as...", and then add whatever the judgments are. Say the phrases aloud.

For example, "I forgive myself for judging myself as lazy.” Or, “I forgive myself for judging myself for feeling exhausted.”

Step 2:
Next, follow with this phrasing: "Because the truth is...", and then add the positive traits you know or sense to be true about yourself. For example, "Because the truth is I feel better and re-energized when I take a break in the afternoon.” Or "Because the truth is I want to live a healthy and balanced life.”

To practice self forgiveness on-the-fly, anytime, anywhere, say the core phrase by itself, "I forgive myself for judging myself."

Time, time, time is on my side, yes it is!
Some believe time is an illusion, and even elastic. Whatever the case, there are some cool tricks you can try for making more time.

Time warps:
A time warp is the hypothetical idea that supports time travel backward and forward, and that permits the passage of time to be suspended. So, during your afternoon break RZ, if you’re feeling playful, you might ask for a time warp in your favor, and that 20 minutes feels like 2 hours. See what happens. I often do this if I’m getting to bed late and have to be up early; I ask that my 5 hours of sleep feel like 8 and that I wake up feeling refreshed and well rested. It usually works.

Practice perfect timing:
A colleague of mine who is also very busy and always in pursuit of extra time, just recommended this book to me. I plan on reading it, just haven’t had the time. Ha!
“Perfect Timing: Mastering Time Perception for Personal Excellence” by Von Braschler. Description: This book will show you the secrets of athletes who 'freeze' time to accomplish amazing feats, and of inventors who seize opportunities at the perfect moment. Perfect Timing incorporates scientific evidence that time is elastic and subject to our will and intent.

Keep your own personal Self Care Tracker
To get yourself into the healthy habit of taking care of your Self in a balanced way, so that you are better able to take care of your family and others, create this simple Self Care tracker on paper or with Word. Fill this out weekly, for at least one month, and support your Self into a habit of taking care of ALL OF YOU – your soul, mind, and body!

Here’s an example of actions one can take to care for the soul, mind, and body. I've created mine as a simple table in Word, and track the desired actions plus the actual results.

Week of: 5/26/13   
Soul:  Listen to meditation CD / 30 min / 3-5x per week
Mind:  Read "Perfect Timing" / 20 min per day / 4x per week
Body: Cardio / 30 min / 3-5x per week

And so, RZ and all my readers, may we all support our Selves in living more balanced and healthier lives in all areas of who we truly are. Take good care of Your Self: Your Soul, Your Mind, and Your Body!

Body and mind, and spirit, all combine, to make the Creature, human and divine. – Ella Wheeler Wilcox

There is but one temple in the universe, and that is the body of man. – Novalis

I certainly believe that being in contact with one's spirit and nurturing one's spirit is as important as nurturing one's body and mind. We are three dimensional beings: body, mind, spirit. – Laurence Fishburne

From the heart,
your Life Coach Maddisen

Copyright 2013 Maddisen K. Krown M.A.


Tuesday, 07 May 2013 05:43

Your Self Concept Is Your Destiny

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Dear Maddisen:
When it comes to my career success, I find myself comparing myself to friends, colleagues, my family members – just about everyone! I criticize myself and how I’m not as smart or capable, I don’t belong in the game, blah, blah, blah. They think I’m an equal. Why don’t I? How do I get this elephant off my chest? Help! SJ

Dear SJ,
Great question, thanks for asking it. Self criticism is common, and I’m confident there are many, including myself, who can relate to what you are sharing.  Self criticism can constrict and shut off our creative thinking, and paralyze us from moving forward and taking constructive actions in our lives.  Self criticism is a waste of precious time.  Let’s talk more about all of this.

Our Thinking Habits
We each interpret our personal life experiences differently and in our own unique way, deciding and choosing, consciously and unconsciously – to be responsible or a victim, or to become better or bitter – as a result of our experiences.

How we view and evaluate our selves is largely influenced and established when we are very young and under the care and supervision of our parents and family members or adopted caregivers.  Therefore SJ, there’s a good chance the formerly unconscious habit of thinking that you are not as smart or capable as others, or don’t belong – began when you were a child based on your unique experiences and interactions.

Good News
The really good news: It is never too late for us to identify patterns of debilitating self criticism and transform them into patterns of empowering self esteem!  We always have the freedom to choose better thoughts.

We take the first step to ending self criticism simply by catching ourselves when we’re having self critical thoughts – as demonstrated here by SJ.  From here, the next step is to move into a new practice of self respecting and self empowering thoughts.

Your Positive Self Concept – Claim It Now
More really good news: There are many straightforward and effective tools available to all of us who are ready to take the next step in claiming our true nature – our positive self concept. Here are a few recommendations.

-- Honoring the Self: Self-Esteem and Personal Transformation, by Nathaniel Branden
-- The Self-Esteem Companion: Simple Exercises to Help You Challenge Your Inner Critic and Celebrate Your Personal Strengths, by McKay, Fanning, Honeychurch, Sutker
-- Loyalty To Your Soul: The Heart of Spiritual Psychology, by Drs. Ron and Mary Hulnick
(I have learned a great deal from the Hulnicks, including Self Forgiveness, which is also taught in this uplifting book.)

CD Audio Books:
-- Maximum Confidence: Ten Secrets of Extreme Self Esteem, by Jack Canfield
-- Self Esteem: Your Fundamental Power, by Caroline Myss

Related specifically to career success, here are two of my recent favorites, both by Coach Steve Chandler: Our brains are goal achievement mechanisms, and Steve teaches how to use our thoughts and actions to live our lives of heartfelt purpose in ways that serve our wellbeing and the wellbeing of all life.
-- The Steve Chandler Ultimate Success Course (10 CD set)
-- 100 Ways to Create Wealth (Hardcover)

Life Coaches:
Another highly effective way to create lasting positive change in your life is to work with a personal life coach. I work with clients in Los Angeles and throughout the U.S., and internationally. Or if you already know of a Life Coach who you believe can help you make a lasting transition into your positive self concept, contact them for information.  Very often, coaches including myself, offer an initial complimentary session to discuss the areas you wish to improve, working together, and fees.

We Have the Freedom To Choose Our Thoughts
The simple truth is this: our self concept is our destiny. So if we want to change our destiny for the better, we need to change our concept and beliefs about our selves also for the better. We always have the freedom to choose better thoughts.

And so SJ and all my readers, if you are ready to honor and express your special skills and gifts, and your birthright to be an equal player in this miraculous game of life – take your destiny in your own hands and start Your Positive Self Concept training, so that your positive self concept becomes your positive destiny.  For the highest good of all.

For good or for ill, self-concept is destiny. – Nathaniel Branden

In life, we do what we believe we can do. No more than that. – Steve Chandler

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. – Siddhartha Gautama

From the heart,
your Life Coach Maddisen

Copyright 2013 Maddisen K. Krown M.A.

Thursday, 18 April 2013 18:42

Finding True Love Is An Inside Job

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heart with crown.jpg - 6.04 KbDear Maddisen:
I’ve been active with online dating, and I really believe I’m ready for a loving relationship, but I seem to be attracting the wrong guys. Seems that every guy I like has a fear of intimacy. I want to get serious and they want to have some fun and move on. I’m so disappointed. I want a great relationship.  Can you help me find my issue here? Thanks, HT

Dear HT:
Great question, and I commend you for being willing to look inside for the answer. Finding true love is an inside job, meaning it serves us to establish a sense of wholeness and intimacy within ourselves first, before expecting to find wholeness and intimacy externally with a partner or mate.

The Answer is in the Problem
Most times, the answers to our personal challenges can be found in the problems themselves. So, if you are often encountering men who are afraid of intimacy, HT, it might be that you are afraid of intimacy with yourself. And the repeated pushing back by men is actually your psyche’s way of pushing you back into yourself, showing you that you must establish wholeness and intimacy in yourself first.

A lack of self wholeness and self intimacy may be causing you to be over-intimate with men in an unconsciously needy way. You may be reaching outside of yourself to men for the wholeness and intimacy that you are actually seeking inside yourself.

Establish Wholeness and Intimacy with Yourself
To establish wholeness and intimacy with yourself, I’m suggesting a simple exercise that you can do for 5 minutes a day. It involves invoking or imagining an inner female and an inner male that you lovingly hold inside of you at all times.

This approach relates to but is not exactly the same as Swiss psychotherapist and psychiatrist Carl Jung’s teachings about the Anima (inner female) and Animus (inner male).  Jung identified the anima as the unconscious feminine component of men and the animus as the unconscious masculine component in women. I believe every person has both an anima AND an animus – an inner female and inner male – and that this awareness is what makes us whole and able to be intimate.

Further, I believe that forming an awareness and a loving connection with our inner anima AND animus can be one of the most rewarding steps in our psychological growth into wholeness and self intimacy. This is what can contribute to our healthier experience of external relationships, especially our love partnerships.

Contrarily, if we ignore our inner female and male aspects, one or the other may try to get attention by projecting itself on others in the external world, in an exaggerated or needy way. These ignored female or male aspects may also show up in our dreams as annoying or even villainous characters who are trying to get our attention, so that we acknowledge them inside ourselves – which ultimately makes us more whole, balanced, and able to be intimate in a centered but not overly needy way.  

Step 1 – Imagine Your Inner Female and Inner Male
Sit quietly in a private place where you won’t be interrupted. Imagine you are sitting in a beautiful place, perhaps one of your favorite real or imagined getaways, and that you are holding a young girl and a young boy on your lap. Imagine you are holding them both gently and lovingly in your arms. You can hold them silently with love, or you can talk with them and let them know you love them and want them both to be an integral part of your daily life, and that you are always holding them close to your heart.

Do this exercise for about 5 minutes each day. Try it for 32 days straight, and then make it a regular part of your daily life and awareness.

And for HT and other readers who are currently active with online dating sites, consider hiding or making your profiles inactive for the 32 days you are practicing this exercise. Really take the time to reconnect with your own inner male and inner female, in direct service to your wholeness and self intimacy, and more fulfilling relationships.

Notice if anything changes or improves in your daily life and in your actions and interactions with your partner, dates, or people in general.  

True Love Starts Within
It’s important for everyone to get in touch with their inner female and inner male. When we establish this awareness and loving connection with our inner female and inner male, we establish a wholeness and intimacy with ourselves, which will very likely be projected and reflected back to us by others in the form of the loving, whole, and intimate relationships we have always longed for.  

Intimacy..."into me I see"...Wow, that really woke me up!  Could I find love by looking into myself? – Lisa Nichols

The opposite of Loneliness is not Togetherness, It's Intimacy – Richard Bach

As soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I in a love relationship do not lead another person to himself, this love, even if it seems to be the most secure and ecstatic attachment I have ever experienced, is not true love. For real love is dedicated to continual becoming. – Leo Buscaglia

From the heart,
your Life Coach Maddisen

Copyright 2013 Maddisen K. Krown M.A.

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Dear Maddisen:
I’m a loner. It has its pros and cons. But I think it’s causing most of my suffering. I think I isolate sometimes because I feel less worthy, and I think I isolate sometimes because I feel superior. What’s true?! How do I stop suffering? Thanks, RL

Dear RL:
What a great question – thank you. I believe you are addressing a topic that many of us can relate to. The lie is ‘separation’. And this is why we suffer when we think we’re separate or alone in life. The truth is ‘oneness’, meaning we are all one, we all come from the same source oneness, and we all return to the same source oneness.  All of us are one.

Think about it – when you watch a daytime or nighttime soap opera or drama, the suffering is always caused by separation – whether it comes in the form of a loss, a loss of love, a relationship, death, a misunderstanding, and so on. When our oneness or soul connection is cut off, we suffer!

The suffering informs us that we’ve disconnected from the oneness, our wholeness. This is what you so clearly describe in your question, RL. Being a loner can indeed have its pros, as you say, because it saves us from having to connect with others who we perceive as different or undesirable, and possibly dangerous or threatening. But relationships, ALL OF THEM, support our learning and growth, especially our learning about who we are, which may also take lots of courage, self honesty, and honesty with others.  So I strongly commend you RL, for realizing all of this so honestly and clearly! This means you’re ready to begin reconnecting more into your natural state of oneness with others and life – and to suffer LESS!

I’m Too Sexy for My Shirt – Not!

The other excellent point you made is how sometimes you feel less worthy and sometimes you feel superior. This could be the case, however, I believe this is just another way the ego keeps us separate, and confused. More often, when we feel less worthy, we mask it by pretending to feel superior.

Feeling less worthy is a very common core misinterpretation that many people feel. No one is less worthy than anyone else. No one. Never. We are all offspring of the same creating source, which some call God, Higher Power, Spirit, Source, etc. Feeling less worthy is another lie, because it separates us and causes us to suffer.

Goodbye Suffering! Hello Oneness!

When we realize that we are all one and equal by birthright, the suffering stops. And so does the soap opera. Which is why the lie of separation is so difficult to extinguish in our society!  After all, what would we do without drama?! At least the drama that entertains us, for example, during out night time television viewing, or even during our daily lives – at home and at work. Drama has its benefits, I guess, because it motivates us to find solutions that involve reconnection!  But we also want to be careful about getting hooked on drama for the rush it provides. Drama can make us feel alive! But in the end, it usually causes us more suffering than happiness, and can also be detrimental to our physical health. The moral of the story is – choose your drama consciously, knowing that happiness sources from connection, oneness, and love! Do we choose the thrill of suffering or the bliss of peace? The drama most worth choosing is full immersion in one's heartfelt life purpose.

And so, RL, perhaps allow yourself to ease or lesson your suffering by taking small steps to connect with people more. Perhaps reaching out to a friend or two, or joining a group activity that interests you. Step out of your loner comfort zone and allow yourself the pleasure of connecting; knowing that you are worthy, and knowing that you are not superior – but rather that you are just connecting in friendship and love with others for mutual joy and mutual benefit. Set your intentions for the highest good of all involved. Then, it’s also ok to have your alone or solo time – nothing wrong with that. Do it when it feeds you and feels good.

Forgive Yourself for Judging Yourself

And if you feel yourself judging yourself or others, practice self forgiveness, which I’ve blogged about frequently. The self forgiveness goes like this:

Start with the expression, "I forgive myself for judging myself for/as..." or “I forgive myself for believing the lie that...", and then add whatever the judgments are. Say the phrases aloud. For example, "I forgive myself for judging myself as unworthy.” Or, “I forgive myself for judging myself as a loner.” Or, “I forgive myself for judging other people as inferior.” Next, follow with this phrasing: "Because the truth is...", and then add the positive traits you know or sense to be true about yourself and others. For example, "Because the truth is I love life and am worthy of life and love.” Or, "Because the truth is I don’t want to suffer anymore.” Or, "Because the truth is I want to connect with others and have more fun.” To practice self forgiveness on-the-fly, anytime, anywhere, say the core phrase by itself, "I forgive myself for judging myself."

Dr. Laskow is Coming Back!

And stay tuned for more information that I’ll share in a blog soon, about the workshop I’m producing in September in Los Angeles, with the esteemed Leonard Laskow, M.D. – called “Opening to Oneness through Love.” In his 3-day life changing seminar, Dr. Laskow will lead us in directly experiencing the loving presence that we really are beyond the conditioning and concepts of who we think we are. In awakening to the Oneness underlying our uniqueness, we come Home again, divinely embraced. I’ve done this workshop with Dr. Laskow before, and it is truly life changing and a powerful way to feel and know the truth and power of our loving oneness.

Know that you are not separate, ever, even when you think you are!  

A person experiences life as something separated from the rest - a kind of optical delusion of consciousness. Our task must be to free ourselves from this self-imposed prison, and through compassion, to find the reality of Oneness.” – Albert Einstein

Love, at its deepest level, is the awakening to Oneness. When loving presence flows through the heart, it shifts the vibration of the inner energy body into resonance with your essential nature – with the truth of who you really are and with the truth of what is. It is love that links form with essence."  – Leonard Laskow, M.D.

“Separation between you and others means separation between you and God, and separation from God produces not power, but rather a hidden hysteria." – Marianne Williamson

"The path of least suffering is the path of oneness." - Maddisen Krown

Your Life Coach,

Copyright 2013 Maddisen K. Krown M.A.

Wednesday, 13 March 2013 02:07

Can We Make Money With Love? Yes!

Written by

Dear Readers:
Many people have had their financial status challenged and even dangerously impacted by the economic recession. Last year, my business was affected as well, which got me really curious about the deeper theme, and which inspired my investigative expedition into the nature of prosperity and lack, and how this might relate to: our journeys as spiritual beings having human money experiences, and work as a way of serving the highest good of all life.

In my search for answers, I came across a good number of books, online resources, and workshops. The resources I’m highlighting in this blog are two books that I found to be powerful and useful, meaning I could apply the information directly in my life, and with positive results.

The Law of Divine Compensation
“The Law of Divine Compensation – On Work, Money, and Miracles” by Marianne Williamson is a divinely simple yet profoundly powerful book, and I highly recommend it.

Marianne writes, “No one likes to worry about money. No one likes to lose their job. No one wants to face the possibility of being broke. But these things happen. And, when they do, they’re not random incidents.” That’s a courageous statement to make, but the author backs it up with page after page of potent wisdom as well as specific steps for healing and reframing our internal thoughts and beliefs that have kept us prisoners in a false world of fear and scarcity. We're encouraged to remember who we truly are, and to replace faith in fear with faith in love.

The Abundance Book
“The Abundance Book” by John Randolph Price is a pocket-sized paperback that is chock full of unique and interesting wisdom and exercises for awakening to our natural prosperity.  I recommend reading the entire book first, then faithfully committing to and implementing the 40-Day Prosperity Plan in Part II. It’s an easy plan to follow and complete.

As John writes in his Introduction, “This material certainly isn’t the last word on the subject of supply. However, if you will practice the principles and dedicate yourself to opening consciousness to the infinite riches within, it will not be long before you awaken to your divine inheritance. And with each awakening, more of the error patterns of lack and limitation are erased from the collective consciousness. The good of the whole does begin with each individual.”

Check out these books. And feel free to share your favorite resources and experiences related to allowing and awakening to the abundance of life, in the “Comments” section.

Prosperity is the out-picturing of substance in our affairs. Everything in the Universe is for us. Nothing is against us. Life is ever giving of itself. We must receive, utilize and extend the gift. Success and prosperity are spiritual attributes belonging to all people, but not necessarily used by all people. – Ernest Holmes

Think of your work life, therefore, not as separate from your spiritual life but as central to your spiritual life. Whatever your business, it is your ministry. – Marianne Williamson

The best way to find yourself, is to lose yourself in the service of others. Mahatma Gandhi

From the heart,
your Life Coach Maddisen

Copyright 2013 Maddisen K. Krown M.A.

Monday, 25 February 2013 00:19

Ask Maddisen >> Let Me Hear Your Body Talk

Written by

Dear Maddisen:
I wonder if our bodies are trying to tell us something when we feel physical discomfort or symptoms. I mean on a deeper level. And if there’s a way to understand the messages so we can help ourselves more on our own. What do you think? WM

Dear WM:
Thanks for your question. I think I understand what you’re getting at, and will share my beliefs and two approaches for deciphering the deeper messages we receive via our bodies.

Our amazing human bodies have an inborn, automatic, and powerful urge to survive, heal, and be healthy. Simply stated, our bodies want to survive and thrive.

Twenty-four hours a day, every day, our bodies are automatically striving to keep us alive, by regulating temperature, fluid levels, breath, heart beat, brain functions, and so much more – all without any conscious efforts on our part.  

When a body goes out of balance, a person may feel one or more physical symptoms, from very mild to very strong. Whether mild or strong, it’s always wise to pay attention to the symptoms and take care of ourselves in whatever ways we deem best, whether through self care, seeing a health practitioner, going to the hospital, etc.

In addition to taking the necessary actions to care for our health, safety, and well being, it is possible to get the body to give us information by simply asking it, or by giving it a voice. You might receive answers that make sense and that can support better health.

Ask Your Body and Listen

Step 1:
Sit comfortably in a private and quiet place where you will not be interrupted.

Step 2:
a) Close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths. Continue breathing calmly, while you imagine your breath as if it were moving slowly down through your head, neck, shoulders, back, arms, fingers, chest, legs, and feet all the way down to your toes.

b) If you believe in a divine source or higher power, ask to be filled, surrounded, supported, and guided by it.

Step 3:
Keeping your eyes closed, notice where in your body your attention is drawn. Notice if there are any sensations there such as pressure, tension, tingling, etc.

Step 4:
Once you locate the area with the sensation, ask silently or aloud what this area wants to tell you, what it needs, and how you can support its healing. Notice what if any information or answers come forward. Stay relaxed, don’t rush it.

Step 5:
If it makes sense and supports your health, safety, and well being, heed the information or answers that you get when you do this exercise, whether physical or mental.

For example, I worked with a client who was experiencing intestinal irregularities. She was going through a big change in her personal life, which she was reacting to by staying up later than usual, getting up at different times, eating less healthy foods, eating later, etc. In addition to working with her health practitioner to address this, we did a session in which she asked this region of her body for answers. The phrase that came to her was, “I need a routine.” This made a lot of sense to her, and she took steps to get back on her regular routines with sleep and food. It helped. Simple, yet she didn’t think of this until she asked her body.

Holenergetic Healing
I also facilitate Holoenergetics® with my clients, which was taught to me by the Stanford-trained physician who developed it – Dr. Leonard Laskow, M.D.  Holoenergetic healing involves healing with the energy of the whole, not just parts of ourselves, but healing the body and mind, and bringing the body and mind back to its natural state of wholeness and wellness. The goal is to heed symptoms and/or sensations as signposts for causes and cures.

Holoenergetic healing work goes deeper and can be more effective than simply asking the body for information, and can usually be done in cooperation with any medical treatments being incorporated by the individual in need of healing.

And so, WM and all my readers, these approaches may sound a bit unconventional, but they provide effective ways to explore the deeper messages that are sometimes connected to bodily sensations or symptoms, and may support healing and better overall health.

Modern medicine, for all its advances, knows less than 10 percent of what your body knows instinctively. – Deepak Chopra

Begin to see yourself as a soul with a body rather than a body with a soul.
– Wayne Dyer

I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time.
– Anna Freud

From the heart,
your Life Coach Maddisen

Copyright 2013 Maddisen K. Krown M.A.

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