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Monday, 21 January 2019 05:12

My husband and I disagree, what’s new right? But this is different.

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Dear AC

My husband and I disagree, what’s new right?  But this is different. 

My daughter brought home a book called “The Safety Godmothers: The ABC’s of Awareness, Boundaries and Confidence for Teens.” We both read it, it’s clever, funny and full of actual scenarios featuring various instances of potentially dangerous situations and how they were de-escalated.  We loved it.  One of the women who co-wrote the book will be at my daughter's school teaching Impact Personal safety classes.  My daughter wants to attend.  I think it’s a wonderful opportunity.

The book was eye opening, inspiring, enlightening and to think that one of the authors was teaching a class at her school is awesome.  I said yes, yes, of course, yes.  My husband said, no, no, absolutely not. 

We were astonished!  Why not, we asked.  He said that these self defense training programs don’t work, they’re all a way to make money.   He said that if a girl learns to “fight” she’ll either go out looking for a fight or be challenged by other kids testing her and end up in a fight.  In either event he didn’t think it ladylike.  He told our daughter that If she stays away from trouble she won’t have any problems. He said she has all the protection she needs from him and her brothers. 

I’m exhausted.  What can I say.  AC do you have any advice.  My daughter deserves this opportunity.

-Fighting for my daughter

Dear Fighter,

I certainly don’t want to offend your husband's sensibilities, but dude, really?  You’re making it hard for me to assist in identifying a compromise.     

Thank you Fighter for bringing this to my attention.  I read “The Safety Godmother’s," and did some research on IMPACT Personal Safety and read reviews.  You’re right, the book can be funny.  It’s filled with real-life stories that share, often tongue in cheek, insights with know how tips in violence prevention, setting boundaries, and avoiding conflict.  The scenarios and information are palatable, relatable and insightful.  It’s no wonder you both enjoyed it.

So this is what I learned: the forward of “The Safety Godmother's” was written by one of the nation's most renowned leading experts in the prediction and management of violence, Gavin de Becker.  He’s also featured in three chapters of the book and is Oprah Winfrey’s go to expert in safety and security.  My point here is that this book is written by experts with learned experience and information.

IMPACT Personal Safety training is not your neighborhood dojo training. It’s a 501(c)3 non-profit whose goal is to provide life-saving training.  Started by a group of martial artists in the early 70s it concentrates on “what if” scenarios.  You know like, what if someone bigger than you attacks you.  What can you do?  They’re training covers things you can do.  They know what they are doing.  The reviews have all been glowing.

Back to your husband's notion that he and your sons are there to protect your daughter.  This is short sited.  They are not everywhere at all times, further and of greater importance, the notion that a woman is incapable of protecting herself is part of a systemic problem that has been handed down too long.  Sadly, generationally women have become ready prey by believing they have no power over their physical well being.  Wrong!  Wrong! Wrong!  I’m probably quoting it wrong, but here’s a stab at an adage I heard that says if you run into a  furious dog, snarling and bearing its teeth ready to attack, do you check to see if it is a male or female before running?   "The Fairy Godmother's" and IMPACT Safety training are designed to tap into and release our natural survival instinct, with some well tried and true strategies.

These are the books and programs that you mentioned are reputable.  There are others out there that help to strengthen and encourage self-defense.  On another note, and to be clear, a woman’s ability to defend herself in no way exonerates an assailant.  Attackers should be prosecuted, punished to the fullest extent of the law.

I am hopeful that your husband will find the benefit in having a self-confident daughter, who is aware of her surroundings and will protect herself if necessary.  Girls benefit by knowing how to defend themselves, it’s also healthy, and teaches them to love themselves enough to fight for their well being, emotionally and physically.

Here’s some food for thought to consider.  Some Daddies subconsciously become concerned that if there daughters can take care of themselves, or protect themselves their is no need for them anymore.  That their daughters' dependence on them keeps them close.  For that reason they reject their daughters' independence and personal growth.  This does not take into consideration that they may send their child out into the world unprepared for life’s realities. 

Happy New Year!

Waitress gives client a taste of his own medicine

Read 723 times Last modified on Monday, 21 January 2019 11:52
Ask AC

Got a question? AskAC.nohoartsdistrict@gmail.com

AC is an East Coast transplant who became rooted in the SFV.  “Yup”, AC said “I found a place in North Hollywood years ago, and though I’ve traveled the world over this is the place I call home.  Well, also Massachusetts because that’s where I was born.  I think of  Hawaii as my second home, but I don’t own property there so maybe I can’t count that.  I was going to say Paris, at first cause I am very comfortable there, but then, you know I’m American and I don’t want to be too pompous.  So, yeah, I guess the San Fernando Valley is home.”

A street scholar, majoring in hard knocks and common sense, AC, attended night school receiving a high school diploma.  With a thirst for knowledge, AC continued education included many, many on line courses and seminars from selling beets at your local farmers market and how to shuck clams to Introduction to wine.

AC has been offering advice to everyone, whether they ask for it or not.  At times AC’s advice has been met with animosity and physical threats.  None the less AC preservers.   “It’s my calling” says AC, who urges readers to send in their confounding queries; “If you want advice (in the words of the 45th President), ‘what do you have to lose’, Ask AC?”

What makes AC’s columns unique is that it feels like you are getting advice from a friend, a person you can rely on for lively, no-nonsense feedback.  Ask AC is the best advice columnist by a Los Angeles mile."

AC resides in North Hollywood has two children, is an animal lover and has an active social life.  An adventure sport enthusiast, writer, performer, corporate baby, and community volunteer.  AC devotes time to family, community and in the service of others.  

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1 comment

  • Comment Link Ellen Snortland Wednesday, 23 January 2019 15:35 posted by Ellen Snortland

    Wow!!! I am one of the co-authors of "The Safety Godmothers" and on the board of IMPACT Personal Safety. we get emails from people all of the time that tell us that reading our book saved a life, or at the least, reduced trauma.
    And RIGHT ON! A.C.!!!

    I have a smart ass response to people who have concerns about learning to set boundaries being un-lady-like.

    Is being harassed, assaulted or worse case, murdered, "lady-like?"

    Have the father read our book! Then, go to http://www.impactpersonalsafety.com and sign the mother up for a class. We'll give her insight into what she can say to her hubby.


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