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Wednesday, 07 June 2017 05:20

Sixteen, Sexless and Curious

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Ask AC: Sixteen, Sexless and Curious

Hey AC,

My wife and I are feuding.  I overheard her talking about sex with my sixteen-year-old niece.  She’s my conservative brother's only child.  If he finds out he’ll blow a gasket.  We were raised in a family that doesn’t discuss intimate matters, especially around or with kids.  

I love my wife’s free spirit, kindness, honesty, generous open heart and I know she’ll make a wonderful mother someday, but… I was shocked to hear her tell my niece that she should enjoy her body!   Enjoy her body!?  To me that’s like telling her that sex is fun; go out there willy nilly and have sex.   My wife said my niece is; sixteen, sexless and curious and she will be making her sexual choices with or without her input.  She accused me of overreacting.  I think my wife should mind her own business.  Am I right?

-Uncle Right

Dear Uncle Right,

What I got is this; first, you’re concerned your brother will “blow a gasket” over the fact your wife and niece were talking about sex.  Second, you find it shocking that your wife would tell your niece to “Enjoy her body.'  Third, you think your wife should mind her own business.   Wow!  Uncle Right, let me be one of the first to welcome you to 2017.  

Sadly, even in this enlightened, social media connected millennial age, there remains embarrassment and shame surrounding sexuality.  Studies show that over 50% of teens don’t talk to their parents about sex because they don’t want to disappoint them; or believe that they’ll “freak out” (a Millennium's term for blowing a gasket), that they wouldn’t understand, or think they raised a freak.  It’s not my intent to trivialize you and your brother's values.  But it can’t be news that at sixteen years old, a teen has been exposed to sexual content.  There’s multi-media, social media, school, friends, magazines, it’s everywhere.  Get over it!

Your wife, who you have characterized as being kind and having a generous heart, was engaged in a private conversation with her niece.  Your niece trusted your wife enough to participate in a shared truthful conversation about sexuality.  This is an important first step to helping teenagers sift through the ever-changing choices decisions they will be making. 

Your wife offers a gift of wisdom that encourages enjoyment, self-love and empowerment rather than shame.  Your niece is fortunate to have her.

Asking your free-spirited wife to mind her own business equates to silencing her on the matter and implying she should participate in antiquated perception of a woman’s role in a sexual relationship. Your niece should be able to enjoy her body?   

All that to say,  no I don’t think you’re right. 

Last thoughts.  You were not made part of their conversation. When they want your opinion, they’ll ask. 


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Let's talk about sex - Salt-N-Pepa

Read 1671 times Last modified on Wednesday, 07 June 2017 16:16
Ask AC

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AC is an East Coast transplant who became rooted in the SFV.  “Yup”, AC said “I found a place in North Hollywood years ago, and though I’ve traveled the world over this is the place I call home.  Well, also Massachusetts because that’s where I was born.  I think of  Hawaii as my second home, but I don’t own property there so maybe I can’t count that.  I was going to say Paris, at first cause I am very comfortable there, but then, you know I’m American and I don’t want to be too pompous.  So, yeah, I guess the San Fernando Valley is home.”

A street scholar, majoring in hard knocks and common sense, AC, attended night school receiving a high school diploma.  With a thirst for knowledge, AC continued education included many, many on line courses and seminars from selling beets at your local farmers market and how to shuck clams to Introduction to wine.

AC has been offering advice to everyone, whether they ask for it or not.  At times AC’s advice has been met with animosity and physical threats.  None the less AC preservers.   “It’s my calling” says AC, who urges readers to send in their confounding queries; “If you want advice (in the words of the 45th President), ‘what do you have to lose’, Ask AC?”

What makes AC’s columns unique is that it feels like you are getting advice from a friend, a person you can rely on for lively, no-nonsense feedback.  Ask AC is the best advice columnist by a Los Angeles mile."

AC resides in North Hollywood has two children, is an animal lover and has an active social life.  An adventure sport enthusiast, writer, performer, corporate baby, and community volunteer.  AC devotes time to family, community and in the service of others.  

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